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I Am Grieving…
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“I wonder if you know that I never understood that although you said you’d go Until you did I never thought you would.”
~Empty Chairs~
Don McLean -
Mark Ravenheart, post: 5219, member: 452 wrote:[USER=38]@Lily[/USER] thank you for your reply, I consider that a precious gift of your time and energy. I like what you said about some days it’s hard to function, I suppose I get overwhelmed. I was really close with my sister. My mother involved me with the pregnancy and I knew for several months that I was to be a big brother before my sister was even born.
Yes, I would really like the book title and author if you don’t mind posting it for me.
If you look underneath the photo of my sister it says “Forever” that is the link to the music video that says the things I long to say. It expresses very well the things that are on my mind and in my heart. And thank you very much for walking with me through this process. I think that it is awesome that you want to help me with this. I appreciate you and I’m extremely grateful.
Yes, so many feelings come bubbling up sometimes and it can be difficult just getting out of bed. I was also close with my sister. We are Irish twins (I was born a week before her first Birthday) and growing up I really looked up to her. In high school we had similar friends and were both in the High school band so we went on school trips a lot as well. Many years later, we do not speak to one another. I miss and grieve her often. It was just not meant to be. When I think about loss I always turn to Khalil Gibran’s words about Joy and Sorrow:
“Then a woman said, Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow.
And he answered:
Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter’s oven?
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.Some of you say, “Joy is greater than sorrow,” and others say, “Nay, sorrow is the greater.”
But I say unto you, they are inseparable.
Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.
Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.
When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.”The book I have finally started reading is called “The Grief Recovery Handbook” by John W. James and Russel Friedman. I received it through my former workplace…In May of 2019 I attempted to take my own life and was in the hospital for 22 days. While I was there, recovering, I learned that a coworker had succeeded in taking her own life and I was in shock for some time before the survivor’s guilt set in. She was so young, and I struggled with why she had to go and why I was blessed to live.
We don’t always find the answers to what we seek. Over the years I have found that things unfold in due time. The words to the video you posted were beautiful. I share in your joy as well as your sorrow. I am happy for you that you get your own apartment soon, and that you will be able to create an altar in their memory. But I feel you already know they are always with you and willing to help you any time you need.
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Lily, post: 5229, member: 38 wrote:The words to the video you posted were beautiful. I share in your joy as well as your sorrow. I am happy for you that you get your own apartment soon, and that you will be able to create an altar in their memory. But I feel you already know they are always with you and willing to help you any time you need.
Yes, I like the parts of the song when he sings, “You’ll always be inside of me” and “even when I’m gone, you’ll be here in me, forever in my heart.”
Sorrow… my world seems dim since my sister transitioned, but I have great memories of the many times we laughed as adults and played together as children. Joy… I look forward to creating an altar to honor them, they deserve a spot, front, and center in my home and in my life.
Yes, I know that they are with me, it is just easy to forget when you feel things so deeply like I do. There is a huge emptiness that cannot be filled because they are irreplaceable and I am reminded of this every time I turn around.
Sis and I lived together for several years after our mother passed. We were together so much that people thot we were boyfriend and girlfriend. Ya know, they say where there is deep love there will be deep sorrow. And I definitely loved her deeply and unconditionally. We were fortunate to have one another I think.
Thank you so much for your kindness. You may never know how much it means to me, but you have helped my heart to a measure of healing that I didn’t have before and I am truly grateful.
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Mark Ravenheart, post: 5207, member: 452 wrote:I’m going to go ahead and post pics and if necessary they can be removed if they are against site policy. I sincerely hope it’s alright.
My Sister Melissa[ATTACH alt=”MISSY BEST 1B.jpg”]1141[/ATTACH] and my brother Monty…[ATTACH alt=”MONTY).jpg”]1142[/ATTACH]
They were my world.I think the following song was meant to be about romantic love but I see it as a song about enduring love and it is what comes up when I think of my siblings… Forever
thank you for sharing. I lost my mom we all grieve in our own ways and we heal in our own ways. The wild pack and momma bear helped me. We are always here to support help one another through our journey through life. You never alone here.
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Thank you [USER=442]@cherry b[/USER] I am lucky to be a part of this group. I am truly grateful for each reply. I feel peace in my heart which is hard-won because I saw my sister’s mental and physical health decline as she was transitioning and it broke my heart. And I didn’t get it emotionally that she was really dying until after she was gone, but I am feeling better after all of the loving responses I have received here. Thank you for letting me know I am not ever alone here.
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Mark Ravenheart, post: 5237, member: 452 wrote:Thank you [USER=442]@cherry b[/USER] I am lucky to be a part of this group. I am truly grateful for each reply. I feel peace in my heart which is hard-won because I saw my sister’s mental and physical health decline as she was transitioning and it broke my heart. And I didn’t get it emotionally that she was really dying until after she was gone, but I am feeling better after all of the loving responses I have received here. Thank you for letting me know I am not ever alone here.
We’re always with you, Ravenheart 🫂 Feel free to write a new post whenever you need to express yourself
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Kuma熊, post: 5239, member: 502 wrote:We’re always with you, Ravenheart 🫂
And I will be with all of you as well. Thank you for your compassionate reply.
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Mark Ravenheart, post: 5237, member: 452 wrote:Thank you [USER=442]@cherry b[/USER] I am lucky to be a part of this group. I am truly grateful for each reply. I feel peace in my heart which is hard-won because I saw my sister’s mental and physical health decline as she was transitioning and it broke my heart. And I didn’t get it emotionally that she was really dying until after she was gone, but I am feeling better after all of the loving responses I have received here. Thank you for letting me know I am not ever alone here.
Yw vm everyone needs to know they have support they are not alone.
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I was talking to a friend about my sister when all of a sudden a big tiger swallowtail butterfly flew up in our faces as if to say hello and then flitted off into the blue sky. My friend said, “There’s sis,” and smiled. I was elated.
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Mark Ravenheart, post: 5258, member: 452 wrote:I was talking to a friend about my sister when all of a sudden a big tiger swallowtail butterfly flew up in our faces as if to say hello and then flitted off into the blue sky. My friend said, “There’s sis,” and smiled. I was elated.
What a beautiful moment (and butterfly! I just looked it up to see what it looks like). I have also had butterfly moments with spirit. I am still sorry for your loss but what a beautiful moment to remind us all that spirit is always there, we just need to be open to receiving the signs and messages. 🦋🦋🦋 Thank you for sharing with us.
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Lily, post: 5474, member: 38 wrote:What a beautiful moment (and butterfly! I just looked it up to see what it looks like). I have also had butterfly moments with spirit. I am still sorry for your loss but what a beautiful moment to remind us all that spirit is always there, we just need to be open to receiving the signs and messages. 🦋🦋🦋 Thank you for sharing with us.
Thank you for your condolences, It is very much appreciated!!! I’m learning that letting go of my sister as a physical being allows me to more fully embrace her as a spiritual being. The great paradox at work. And I thank butterfly for lending its energies to the moment, as well as spirit.
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You have a beautiful family and I am sorry you are grieving. You must know they are still with you and they are so grateful for your love and compassion. Grief hits at such strange times and I can sympathize with you. I am sending you comforting hugs.
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Mark Ravenheart, post: 5482, member: 452 wrote:Thank you for your condolences, It is very much appreciated!!! I’m learning that letting go of my sister as a physical being allows me to more fully embrace her as a spiritual being. The great paradox at work. And I thank butterfly for lending its energies to the moment, as well as spirit.
The butterfly was my mom’s Totem I believe. Her entire life she gathered caterpillars and cared for them until they were ready to fly. My sister continues the tradition. At her memorial service, we released several monarchs, one of which refused to leave the little tree closest to the house where mom would look at the squirrels and hummingbirds. I know when I see one now, it’s her checking up on me. It gives me a moment of sadness, then of happiness in recognizing her presence. I’m just sharing this because there seems to be a resonance about Butterfly spirit in this situation.
Let your heart heal at its own pace. Be gentle with yourself.
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Love ~ “let your heart heal at its own pace. Be gentle with yourself”. 💖💝💗💓💞❣️
I have said these to myself, and reminded myself of these sentiments, or something similar, with grief + … -
Cher Cat, post: 5553, member: 36 wrote:You have a beautiful family and I am sorry you are grieving. You must know they are still with you and they are so grateful for your love and compassion. Grief hits at such strange times and I can sympathize with you. I am sending you comforting hugs.
Awwwwww Thank you!!!! Yes, Cher Cat I do know that they’re still with me but it has only been recently that I have actually felt them near me and I find it a great comfort. The feelings of loss still come but they are not as intense as they once were, however, I greatly appreciate comforting healing hugs and your generous kindness. Wishing you many bright blessings. Always.
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