I Am Grieving…

[mark-ravenheart]

Trish Telesco, post: 5558, member: 8 wrote:

It gives me a moment of sadness, then of happiness in recognizing her presence. I’m just sharing this because there seems to be a resonance about Butterfly spirit in this situation.

Let your heart heal at its own pace. Be gentle with yourself.

Blessings to Butterfly spirit and to you too Trish, …..(you and I actually met once years ago at a gathering, I was carrying a tall cedar staff capped with a double Isis point crystal and many large feathers…..I don’t know if you would remember but wanted to say Hello again).

And listen, thank you so much for sharing about your mom and about butterfly spirit. I know it is not always an easy thing to speak of and you honor me by doing so. Thank you for your wise words of kindness, I will be as gentle as I can. 🦋🦋🦋

[pearlized]

Hi [USER=452]@Mark Ravenheart[/USER]

I have been following all of this since you first posted, just not had the strength to reply until now.

This now seems to be YOUR thread to post as you will about them. Oh and i have a question for you. Which i will explain why at the end.

So here goes. Did you ever tell any of them of your ambitions for the future. Then unexpectedly and out of the blue something sprung up that you wanted to do after they had transitioned. If so they may well have helped you to do that.

So now my explanation why i asked this.

Almost a year before i met my hubby. My dad and i were sat chatting early Sept 1999. {{ Unusual because we rarely got time alone, but we sneaked off for a crafty smoke LOL }} He asked what i wanted for Christmas and i told him a dishwasher. 6 ft Dark hair. He laughed at me and told me to get my own. Around a year later i met my hubby Yep Almost 6 ft Dark hair and he washed up. 😁🤣:love: Now My dad died 6 months BEFORE i met hubby. Yet somehow he sent me my 6 ft Dark haired dishwasher. Hubby knows all about that talk and knows my dad has been around him quite a few times, because he asked why he could smell fresh dug earth at the top of our stairs where we used to live. It was because my dad always smelt of it when i was younger, as he was a gardener most of his working life.

I hope this will give you some solace as you move forward. That even though they are not PHYSICALLY with us. They NEVER actually leave us.

[mark-ravenheart]

Hi [USER=18]@Pearlized[/USER]

Thanks for following along, I’m happy that you felt up to writing, is good to hear from you.

Just for the record, this thread is for anyone who is greiving or has suffered a loss, (tho it started due to my own personal grief). I really am in awe of all of the love and support I have had with this…

I was on earlier but didn’t realize you had written. I so enjoyed learning about your experience with your dad and hubby, miracles are all around us if we would but perceive them, methinks. I love that your dad was watching over you /watching out for you, however, you want to say… that must be very comforting!!!

And yes, it does give me solace to know they never actually left, and I thank you from my heart!!!!

I just realized I never answered your question and to be honest, I never really spoke much about my ambitions outside of healing from past traumas as that seemed all-inclusive at the time.

[lily]

Mark Ravenheart, post: 5594, member: 452 wrote:

Hi [USER=18]@Pearlized[/USER]

Thanks for following along, I’m happy that you felt up to writing, is good to hear from you.

Just for the record, this thread is for anyone who is greiving or has suffered a loss, (tho it started due to my own personal grief). I really am in awe of all of the love and support I have had with this…

I was on earlier but didn’t realize you had written. I so enjoyed learning about your experience with your dad and hubby, miracles are all around us if we would but perceive them, methinks. I love that your dad was watching over you /watching out for you, however, you want to say… that must be very comforting!!!

And yes, it does give me solace to know they never actually left, and I thank you from my heart!!!!

I just realized I never answered your question and to be honest, I never really spoke much about my ambitions outside of healing from past traumas as that seemed all-inclusive at the time.

I love this! [USER=18]@Pearlized[/USER] I love your story about meeting hubby! And I appreciate you, [USER=452]@Mark Ravenheart[/USER] for allowing this to be a post about anyone’s loss/grief. I will eventually post my own story, but for now I hope you can connect with your family and truly see what they put in your path for your benefit. Try to be open to signs and symbols, and try not to discard coincidence as just that. Look for the symbols and synchronicities…your family for sure supports you from the other side and even though you never told them verbally while they were alive what your goals and aspirations are, but they know what they are, and I’m sure they are trying to help you in any way that they can. Sorry. I believe. I am not sure of anything but death and taxes lmao lmao

[mark-ravenheart]

Lily, post: 5643, member: 38 wrote:

And I appreciate you, [USER=452]@Mark Ravenheart[/USER] for allowing this to be a post about anyone’s loss/grief.

Yes, Lily I believe it is only right and fitting that we all help and support one another.

Lily, post: 5643, member: 38 wrote:

Sorry. I believe.

No need to feel sorry for anything. I believe as well. And I will watch for the signs, symbols, and synchronicities. Thank you for always being so supportive!!!

[jbhyoga]

Mark Ravenheart, post: 5196, member: 452 wrote:

I am grieving and have been for some time now, but every once in a while it feels as though my heart is being ripped out. I knew my mom and dad would probably transition before me, but I never expected that my baby brother and sister would go first. My baby brother was permanently disabled and I was my sister’s primary caretaker until the end. Losing my family has been the most difficult thing I have ever been through.

So I was wondering if I could post a photo or two (or perhaps a music video) to honor them. When the grief hits hard like this I don’t know what else to do, so I sing, and I cry, and I remember.

I choose to post here because you all have always been supportive of me. I figured it might be ok, but I don’t want to go against site policy. It’s just that it would help, having someone else sharing the load.

If not I’ll understand.

My heart goes out to you. As an older sister, I can’t imagine the pain you’ve gone through.

[mark-ravenheart]

jbhyoga, post: 5669, member: 450 wrote:

My heart goes out to you. As an older sister, I can’t imagine the pain you’ve gone through.

[USER=450]@jbhyoga[/USER], Thank you. Many Blessings!!!!

…Melissa, (my sister) had severe end-stage COPD /emphysema. Watching as her faculties diminished, her physical and mental health turning to mush, was very difficult to watch. It was a helpless feeling to not be able to do much about it. I was responsible for giving her morphine for the pain, but she refused to wear the Bi-pap mask for her increasing CO2 levels which led to a worsening of her mental abilities. She thot she had people living under her bed etc.

It was heartbreaking for me and I am sure it was no picnic for her either. The hardest part is I had to stuff my feelings down to avoid upsetting her, and in the process, I denied the fact that she was really dying until I had to stop being her caretaker and admit her to a nursing care home. Ten days later she was gone. I didn’t “get it” emotionally until after she had transitioned. I was in major denial because she no longer even resembled the sister I had known for 52 years. I must have been numb from shock for the first week or so and it took me four months to finally put down the cigarettes like she had asked me to do. To say I took it hard is an understatement.

Sister has been gone for 2 years and 9 months, but the pain is as fresh as if it happened yesterday. We were close so neither of us could imagine life without the other. She was 52 years old when she transitioned. I was 5 years older than her. I can’t begin to tell you how much I love and miss my sister or how much joy and laughter she brought to my life. I was big brother to her and to my younger brother.

My younger brother was schizophrenic and had been living in an assisted living facility miles away. After searching for my brothers’ whereabouts for 10 years I finally found him, he was lost in the mental health care system and dying of stomach cancer. As I tried to work up the nerve to speak to him after ten years of searching for his whereabouts….I hesitated too long and well he passed on the night before I was supposed to call him.

I was blessed to have had them in my life for all the many years that they were here. But sometimes the loss is hard to take and you may not think your reply matters but let me tell you it matters a lot. I take much strength and solace from everyone’s replies to this thread. And I thank you for letting me rattle on about my family. I needed to talk about it so that I can continue to heal. Thank you for letting me do that!!!

PS:
I decided that this post was a little too “heavy” so here is another picture of my smiling sister to lighten things up a bit. All in all, I know I was blessed to have a sister who really loved and cared about me. We shared a lot of tears but also a lot of love and light and laughter. Some of our best times were spent together with family, sitting in circle, listening to music, and utilizing herbal therapy. My sister was a trip and still very much is.

One day she said to me, Mark, I think I’m gonna make some salmonella candles and sell them and I said, “Sis, I don’t think they will sell.” and she was like, why not? and I said, “most people don’t want food poison in their candles. I think you mean citronella.” She was like well you know what I mean. :LOL:
[ATTACH alt=”Melissas best.jpg”]1323[/ATTACH][ATTACH alt=”Missy at Sterlington in Lexington.jpg”]1324[/ATTACH]

[jbhyoga]

I love the candle story!! Thanks for sharing ♥️

[spring]

[USER=452]@Mark Ravenheart[/USER] I hope you are feeling better, if you aren’t, I’ll be here for you if you want to talk.

[mark-ravenheart]

[USER=558]@Spring[/USER] I am feeling better at the moment still, I really do appreciate your offer to talk. Maybe at another time. Thank you for your support!!!

[spring]

[USER=452]@Mark Ravenheart[/USER]
The offer is always there for you, if you ever need it.

[gayle-wyant]

Mark Ravenheart, post: 5216, member: 452 wrote:

Oh, Thank you @Gayle, I am working on getting my own apartment in the not too distant future and when I do I fully plan to have an ancestor altar complete with urns, and photos, memorabilia, candles, etc., So that I can honor them full time.

I really do appreciate your reply, because grief is a lonely monster if not tempered with love, hope, and wisdom. I feel better after realizing they are not distant or separate as I have been taught to believe, rather they are with me, and a part of me, for always.

Brightest Blessings,
Mark

PS: [USER=75]@Gayle Wyant[/USER] I was wondering…You referred to me as a medium and I have never thought of myself in that way. Perhaps you have me confused with someone else or are aware of something that I am not. Could you please expand on that term for me. I know that I am more comfortable in the spirit world than I am in this one, but I don’t think that makes me special or different because I have always been this way. Anyway, I appreciate the sentiment, although it is a little confusing to me. Thank you.

Ravenheart/Mark I didn’t confuse you with someone else. I read the forum almost daily (sometimes even more) I also regularly attend the lives. The insights and comments to others in the wild pack is filled with such love, wisdom, and straight up knowledge about the other members that is a good start and intro into mediumship

[mark-ravenheart]

Awwwwww, thank you so much, [USER=75]@Gayle Wyant[/USER]!!! I don’t know how wise I am or how much knowledge I have but I do have a lot of love in my heart for the people here. I admire and am inspired by animal and nature lovers, which there are plenty of here.

I hope things are beginning to get smoother for you, I realize you are struggling and I truly hate that for you. I love that the people here are so loving and caring about one another and I am no different. I am not the type to compete with others. I want to see people succeed and do well and this is my hope and prayer for you!!!

[mark-ravenheart]

My sister wanted me to hear this and so she sang a country song to me about 5 years before she passed on/transitioned and this is the chorus…

You’re gonna miss this
You’re gonna want this back
You’re gonna wish these days hadn’t gone by so fast,
these are some good times
so take a good look around
you may not know it now,
but you’re gonna miss this…

~Trace Adkins~

….She wasn’t wrong!!!

I miss her every single day, it is just that some days are easier than others. I will find out in about a week and a half if I am getting a new apartment and I will be leaving the last place where she and I lived together. I guess old sentimental me, just gets my big ol heart tugged on when I think of the times we spent together. We were so fortunate to have such a strong bond as brother and sister and I know I was blessed. I just needed to give voice to my disbelief…it is so unreal to me that she isn’t here the way she always was. I just needed to say that I miss her tons.

[pearlized]

I miss my dad, almost 22 years on. It does not get me as much now, just the odd moments that catch me out. Especially when my hubby and i are reminiscing about past memories.

So yes it is hard going sometimes. To say it will end is a total lie, it just gets a bit less heart wrenching, but never fully goes away.

What i have found though now, is the smiles come more often than the tears do.

The last conversation that stand out, is the dishwasher one in September 1999. Still married to him who i met almost a year after that conversation. I will never forget those few minutes, where we were and what was said.